Things You Shouldn't Say To Your Partner

Words have power, of that there is no doubt. Many of the things you say to your partner out of anger can damage your relationship. Here are the three most dangerous ones:

 
"You always…" or "You never…"

This is a statement that kills effective communication. Nothing is more irritating to anyone than this type of statement. It's very easy to say this in the heat of an argument, but your partner will hear something else – "You are worthless, you always disappoint me." Even if you are arguing about something petty, like washing dishes.
You may be angry and want to show your partner how you feel, but they will perceive it as criticism of their personality, and that hurts. They will stop listening to what you are trying to say and start defending themselves. Such criticism can cause feelings of rejection in a loved one, and will not help move the situation forward.

What should you say instead?

"I feel… when you do / don't do… how can we solve this?" or "I really appreciate it when you…"
The sentence should not begin with a "you" or an "I". That way, instead of blaming your partner you invite them to conduct a dialogue designed to resolve your differences.

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"I don't care."

Relationships are based on the fact that couples care about each other, so why destroy them with such thoughtless statements? When you say, "I don't care what we have for dinner", "I don't care if the kids are fighting", or "I don't care where we go tonight," you are showing your partner that either they, or your relationship, are not important to you.
The most obvious sign that will help you decide if there is a future for your relationship is when both partners treat each other well even in the smallest matters, for example showing real interest in what your partner wants to say. If they are interested in your attention and you let them understand that you are not interested, you are helping destroy the relationship.

What should you say instead?

It doesn't matter what you say – the most important thing is that you show your partner that you are interested in hearing what they have to say.

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"Well, never mind…"

Such statements relay the fact that you negate everything your partner can say or wants to say. They often sound like aggressive statements in disguise, as if you are trying to hint to your partner that you are disappointed in their behavior or tone of voice, but at the same time you are trying to avoid an open, honest discussion on the subject at hand.

What should you say instead?

"I would really like to hear your opinion about…", "I'm having some trouble here, can you help me?". Don't forget to thank your partner afterwards. This plays a very big role indeed. Not surprisingly, a couple who consistently thank each other feels much more valued and supported, making it easier to get through crisis situations in the relationship.

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Each of us has moments when we are annoyed by or angry at our partner. You may think it is better to demonstrate honesty, and openly talk about your dissatisfaction, but this type of honestly can quickly serve the opposite purpose.

Ask yourself, "Is this really a serious problem, or some nonsense that we'll both soon forget?" If you are certain that you are facing a serious problem, just discuss it with your partner and give them constructive criticism. And if you do intend to be critical, make sure it is the actions of your partner that you criticize, and not your partner.

Everything stated above doesn't mean that you have to think out every word you say. However, sensitivity and caution regarding words that can hurt your partner can make a big difference in your relationship. And if you often show your love for your partner, without neglecting to say "thank you" or "I love you", it will pay off for you and for your relationship.