Sometimes we make mistakes, insult someone or do something wrong. But while it is one thing to admit your mistake and try not to repeat it, there’s something else we do - blame ourselves. why? What's wrong with feeling guilty?
very 6 year old knows - if you did something wrong, you deserve a punishment. When we don’t trust ourselves and don’t believe that we can make the right decision, insecurity and doubt become our punishment. We deny ourselves of happiness in the hope that this lesson will help us in the future not to repeat the same mistakes.
But this cycle repeats itself. After all, a person who thinks of himself as a fool will again make a mistake and will have to be punished again. That's why the lack of confidence will only get stronger. We are even more convinced of our own stupidity.
It really makes no sense and there's no reason to behave like that. There is no logical reason for this, but we all know that for many behaviors don't have a logical explanation, it’s actually something emotional and it has to do with what we think of ourselves.
Sometimes the source is the understanding that there is nothing to be done, one has to suffer. We prefer to blame ourselves, before others do it - it's less painful. We choose the lesser of two evils, because it is very difficult for us to hear accusations from others.
This may be related to the parents wanting to have a perfect child. We are used to being disappointed by ordinary human failures and shortcomings. We have become accustomed to feeling guilty, that we don’t meet other people's high expectations and standards.
To get rid of a painful sense of worthlessness, a child can choose a number of methods, but all are immature and incorrect.
- Try to respond as much as possible to the expectations of the parents about the perfect child and try to compensate for the shortcomings by constantly striving for perfection.
- Eliminate any flaws and make the impression that we are all perfect and to accept any criticism as a false gossip of jealous people.
- Live with the motto "I am not guilty" and each time through the blame for your actions on others. Even if you are caught hands on, you continue to stand your ground.
- Accept the parents' opinion and believe that we are indeed to blame for everything, we are small and worthless. To agree with the forced negative identity, rather than to remain without an identity.
All these childish reactions still apply in our adult lives and continue to relate disproportionately to any deficiency or imperfection in ourselves, others and the rest of the world. When an event occurs that confirms our childish stereotypes, we react in a fit of rage.
It is impossible to "correct" human imperfection. One can try to take logical precautions, but the excessive tendency to "prevent, plan and control" interferes with this.
Each of us has flaws. Our capabilities are limited. Sometimes we all make mistakes. To love yourself is important, to love not only your strengths but also your weaknesses. Only in this way will we admit that we deserve unconditional love and respect, despite all mistakes and imperfections.