Dealing With Betrayal

Betrayal is one of the most painful human experiences. Discovering that someone we trusted has deeply hurt us pulls the reality rug from under us. What do you do? How can you get past this betrayal and heal? Will you ever be able to forgive them for what they have done? Whether it’s a betrayal by a family member, best friend, partner, or someone else entirely, the steps you might take to get over the hurt caused are roughly the same.

Here are 5 healthy ways that will help you deal with betrayal:

Get angry

here are many emotions one goes through when they find out that they have been betrayed. These range from anger to depression, hurt and wanting to avenge oneself. Probably one of the most prominent emotions you will feel will be anger. Anger because they did you like this. Anger because you trusted them. Anger because it was uncalled for. Anger because you have another problem to deal with in life. Anger because your emotional state is anything but OK. Anger because you loved this person but they did you like this. Be angry. It’s human, necessary and it will run its course.

Take Time Away

When you’ve been betrayed by someone, the best short term solution is to avoid them as much as physically – and electronically – possible. hat means not seeing them, not messaging them, not checking their social media every 5 minutes. You must take some time away and break ties with that person. Now, if they try to contact you (and they probably will), you can just tell them in a calm manner that you need some time and space to deal with what they’ve done. Ask them to respect your wishes and leave you be. Your emotions will eventually begin to fade as the fire becomes mere embers. Now you’ll be in a much better position to think clearly and process the events and decide what to do next.


Get help

Do not underestimate the power of a good support system. It could be made up of as little as one person or as many as 10. Whatever the case, when you need help, whether emotional, physical or social, you can get it. You just need to put your pride aside and avail yourself of it. Also, this means letting someone know that you need help. Usually, when you’re going through this, you’re going to be a rock, no emotions showing no one will know how to help you or if you need help unless you ask for help.

Examine The Relationship

Someone you care about has hurt you, but just how much emotional pain are you in? It all depends on the closeness of that relationship. After a betrayal, you’ll probably find yourself asking just how much that person means to you. Betrayal by a friend who you’ve drifted apart from and who you now see no more than once or twice a year is going to feel very different to betrayal by a spouse or parent who is very much a major part of your life. How much you value the relationship will determine whether you choose to keep that person in your life or ditch them for good (which we’ll talk more about later).

Don’t let it happen again

This is probably the hardest one because it could mean one of many things. It could mean cutting the person out of your life forever. It could mean ignoring the fact that it happened. It could mean living a paranoid life of not allowing yourself to get hurt by anyone. It is not possible. It means not letting yourself get consumed by the feelings associated with betrayal. It means dealing with them better each time it happens. Sad to say, betrayal won’t end as long as we’re imperfect.


Eventually, you’ll be able to consign the betrayal to your past… at least for the most part. You may never be able to let go of it entirely, but it will no longer affect your life in any great way.